This is going to be hard, just a fair warning.
I had a CT on Monday and unfortunately it is showing rapid disease progression. I now have fluid build up in my chest surrounding my lungs so I had to go have that drained, which wasn’t as horrible as I thought it was going to be. #silverlinings
Because my cancer is no longer responding to the targeted therapy, my only other option was to go back on full chemotherapy. I declined. I do not want to spend what time I have left sick throwing up or unable to leave the bathroom because of raging diarrhea, and I do not want my children witnessing that. and there’s actually no way of knowing if it would even give me more time, which just makes it that much more not worth it. It would be a different story if it was gonna give me a couple years, but unfortunately that’s just not the case.
They have given me 3 to 6 months. And I plan to make the absolute most of it.
I am home on palliative/comfort care, and when my health declines enough, I will go on hospice. In the meantime, Tony has moved in and will be taking care of the house and kids, so I can focus on resting and not being in pain. It is a massive relief knowing that the kids have their dad here through this, and I can’t explain how much of a load he has taken off my shoulders. THANK YOU 
So many people have done so many amazing things for myself and my family that I couldn’t possibly list everyone here. I hope you all know that I love each and every single one of you, and I would not have had amazing last year that I have had if it wasn’t for all of you.
However, I have to give a few shout outs that are long overdue. My dad – aka Daddio – Michael and momma Dawni – I have never had to do a doctors visit or chemo infusion alone. Not once. They have been there through it all. From driving me to appointments when I was too sick to drive myself, to sitting by me during countless 7 hour infusions. I genuinely don’t have the words to express how grateful I am for that. I love you both so very much!!
My brother Fred . Even though he’s clear up in Eugene and running a full-time business, he is always calling to check up on me, helping me and the kids with literally anything we need, and even took us on a 6 day trip to California for the most amazing family trip ever 
 he has been an emotional rock for me through this insane health storm. Even better than the Disney trip and all the things that he has done, the horrible jokes we send back-and-forth to each other has been the highlight of my last year lol I love you very much.
And Greg . I don’t even know where to begin. I can’t even begin to guess how many countless hours we have spent on the phone together, and he has been so amazing at easing my fears and just listening – the good the bad and the ugly. Even with the huge amount of stress he is constantly under, he always makes time for me, he just loves me for me. I wish everyone had a love like we do.  I wish I had the words… this short paragraph is pitifully inadequate. I love you baby 

I know this is not the news anyone wanted to hear. I need you all to know that I am at peace with it. I know that there are beautiful things waiting for me on the other side. And while it breaks my heart to leave my family and friends behind, I know with every fiber of my being that I will get to see you all again.
I will ask that all my family and friends come together to support Tony and our children once I am gone. Emotionally, financially and spiritually they are going to need help. You have been such an amazingly strong tribe for me and my family through all of this, and they are going to need that strength and love. 
Thank you all, from every cell in my body, for what you’ve done to help me and my family, and what you will continue to do afterwards. 
I love you all